I Love You But
Love can be a though thing sometimes. It can give you the highest highs and the lowest lows. In an age where people assume that love is this big romance, in which limerence (the beginning stage of love) is thought of to last forever I Love You But I’m Not In Low With You (ILYB) is an eye-opener to many. With 25 years of experience in marital counselling, Andrew Marshall has seen it all. In ILYB he offers a theoretical insight into the stages of love, the problems that can arise and exercises you (and your partner) can take to find each other again. This is described in the seven steps to putting the passion back into your relationship.
Step one is very straightforward, and yet also so profound. Marshall explains what the six stages of a relationship are and that they all have their different characteristics. All of them are encompassed by our conception of love, but each in its different way. The second step might surprise many people, it is about arguing. Marshall states that arguing has gotten a bad reputation in the last decades, but that when you apply it correctly, and truly listen to your significant other, conflicts can solve most of your relationship problems. If done correctly, arguments can help see each others perspective and solve underlying conflicts. The other steps are; 3) target, 4) play, 5) take responsibility, 6) giving, and 7) learning.
At the end of every chapter are some exercises you (and your partner) can do. This is an effective way in which Marshall has combined the theoretical part with the practical application of his seven steps. An example is the exercise, self-diagnosis: what else could be lurking behind your ILYB? In this exercise you are presented with 25 questions that target all aspects of your life that may be an underlying problem that is causing you to instigate the ILYB conversation, without this actually being the cause. After the long list of questions are also explanations why each question is asked and what insights it can give, something very useful for people who have enough to cope with and can use some understanding.
Not only does ILYB give you an insight in the steps to mending your relationship
Although the book is an easy (language wise) book to read, with difficult (topic wise) issues being discussed, it is up to the reader to take action. It is up to him or her to confront the other party with the lessons that can be drawn from the book, and to instigate the road to recovery. Love can be both a great joy and a source of great misery, this book shows you that the former is just around the corner. The book receives a 4 out of 6 rating, the reason it has not got a higher rating is because it is hoped that any haste is not needed. It also does not receive a lower rating because although your relationship is not in a crisis, this book allows you to explore the 6 stages of love, and 7 steps to putting back (or getting even more) passion in your love life!