Getting to Yes!

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton says no to compromise. In a book packed with practical advice, the two Harvard professors explain how to find win-win solutions. Their aim is to find solutions that are novel, on par or better than both parties had thought of before, and that will let everyone leave with a satisfactory feeling.

There are four steps in negotiation that will lead you to this kind of a solution. In hindsight, these steps may look very easy, very simplistic even, but they are fundamental and even hard to apply when the heat gets turned up. Here they are:

  1. Separate the people from the problem
  2. Focus on interests, not positions
  3. Invent options for mutual gain
  4. Insist on using objective criteria

Yes but… does that apply to every situation? No, not always the other party will play along with you. That does not mean that you will not be able to get good solutions. Always know what your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA) is, what will you have when you walk away? If they use dirty tricks, start recognizing them and deflect their impact. And always remember the four lessons.

Next time you are negotiating your salary (or something else) try and incorporate these lessons. Separate your character (person) from the problem. State what your interests are (e.g. new house/car, baby on the way) and not on the position (higher salary). See where you can mutually gain (e.g. more demanding job, flexible hours, lease car). And always use objective criteria (e.g. salary standards for the industry, your performance metrics, etc.).

You will quickly find that by taking these principles in the back of your mind, you will find more favourable solutions, even novel ones. Even when the other party starts with a very negative/uncooperative attitude, they will (in most cases) see the power if interests over positions. Together you can find win-win solutions and create synergies.

More on Getting to Yes!:

http://6thfloor.pp.fi/fgv/gettingtoyes.pdf – Getting to Yes .pdf

http://www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2013/02/05/why-negotiators-still-arent-getting-to-yes/– Article why we are still not getting to yes

http://www.wikisummaries.org/Getting_to_Yes – Summary of Getting to Yes

I Robot

I Robot by Isaac Asimov

The Martian

The Martian by Andy Weir

Persuasion

“Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.” – Walter Lippmann

Lessons learnt: Everyday we are influenced through techniques that exploit reciprocity, commitment and consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity. Influence can be misused. Knowing the techniques can help you fend against the negative effects of influence.

Have you ever been influenced to do something you did not fully support? Or have you looked back at a buying decision you have made and seen that this may not have been the best bang for your buck? If yes, then you are among the great majority (may I say 99.999%) of people who have been influenced by others. In many cases, we do not really know why we have made decisions and what has influenced us in making it. Robert Cialdini was determined to find out, and did, in Influence: The Power of Persuasion.

In his seminal book, he defines six techniques of persuasion.

  1. Reciprocity – exchanging goods/services for the (mutual) benefit
  2. Commitment and consistency – saying yes after you have said yes once (to a smaller request)
  3. Social proof – following your friends (the herd)
  4. Authority – obedience to people in authority positions
  5. Liking – being more easily influenced by someone you like
  6. Scarcity – something is more attractive if it is limited

Cialdini discovered the techniques by working with (or secretly infiltrating) organizations that specialize in persuasion (also called compliance experts). From his research he has come up with two conclusions: 1) the power of influence is very strong and 2) it is very easily abused. But before we go into depth on the dark side of influence, let’s consider how one of the techniques works.

Authority, the fourth technique, I think is the fascinating example of influence. It was made famous by the Milgram experiments in the 1906’s. Here, people were asked to give shocks to another participant in the study. They had to give a shock when the other participant (secretly a research assistant) wrongly answered a question. Psychologist and other experts expected the participants to only give mild shocks and for only psychopaths to complete the experiment (up to 450volts). The results, however, show that about 65% completed the experiment.

You may ask why? Where these people all psychopaths (nope, just normal students or business people)? Or maybe they did not know what the shocks did (they could see the research assistant acting as if he was in great pain)? No, it was the power of obedience to authority. Once the researchers changed the experiment leader from a lab coat to wearing normal clothes, the whole effect subsided and people quit the experiment much earlier.

On a lighter touch, authority still has power, even when it does not mean anything. Advertisers are willing to pay a lot for celebrities to promote their brand. But what does Britney Spears know about the qualities of Pepsi, or a TV doctor about [insert brand name] aspirin? Even I self have experienced the power of authority. When walking around in my suit (I did a board year for a study association), I could feel that people would be more open to my suggestions and bend to the power of authority.

“A well-known principle of human behavior says that when we ask someone to do us a favor we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.” – Robert Cialdini

In each chapter, Cialdini takes one of the techniques and explains the science behind it. At the same time, he uses real-life examples that are (too) familiar to us. What I love is that he ends each chapter with some tips and tricks to avoid being influenced by salespeople and the like. In the end, influence is a short-cut (a very useful one) that we humans use to prevent our brains from overloading (see also Thinking, Fast and Slow). In most cases we can use it to our advantage, now we have a way to prevent other people from abusing it.

Let My People Go Surfing

“In his long-awaited memoir, Yvon Chouinard-legendary climber, businessman, environmentalist, and founder of Patagonia, Inc.-shares the persistence and courage that have gone into being head of one of the most respected and environmentally responsible companies on earth. From his youth as the son of a French Canadian blacksmith to the thrilling, ambitious climbing expeditions that inspired his innovative designs for the sport’s equipment, Let My People Go Surfing is the story of a man who brought doing good and having grand adventures into the heart of his business life-a book that will deeply affect entrepreneurs and outdoor enthusiasts alike.”

Having a small footprint on the earth should be what everyone does. Or if we have a large footprint (which we’ve had even before agriculture), should we not strive to find out how to do this in a way that is sustainable (even if that is only for ourselves).

In The Beginning of Infinity, David Deutsch argues against the ‘Planet Earth’ idea of a happy planet that is made just for us. And I agree there. What I think he and Yvon can agree on is that what we’re doing now is not a ‘beginning of infinity’, that by doing the things we’re doing, we don’t have any doing left in 100-200 years. But will we innovate ourselves out of this rut? That is the question.

In the book there are many lessons on leadership (e.g. MBA, management by absence) and how to run a company and do good. I can highly recommend reading it.

The Intelligent Investor

The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham can be summarised in one sentence: Buy a portfolio of stocks, hold on to them. Ok, this of course is too much of an exaggeration but that is one of the lessons I took away from the book.

The book is rather long and the audiobook I had came with commentary on each chapter. Many specifics are about the 1960’s and thus are also less relevant. But that doesn’t mean the lessons are any less so.

An investor is in it for the long-term, a speculator wants to make money now. A speculator will almost always lose (and always lose in the long run). You can’t beat the market.

One great example of this is a fund that has found a way (or a group that has a new formula). Once more money joins the fund, they can’t make the same ‘niche’ bets anymore and regress to the mean. Or the formula that you found (which might just be a coincidence/correlation) will start to be used by others (and again you’re back to the average).

One thing that is also important not to forget is that you will pay quite a lot of transaction costs if you’re investing actively. By buying and holding, you will probably only pay <1% when you put the money in, and <0,25% per year for ‘managing’ the money.

I can highly recommend the book, especially in conjunction with A Random Walk Down Wall Street.

A last lesson I found interesting/hadn’t thought about, is that when you retire (let’s say at 68) you will still need the money for a long time (say 20 years), so still then you want to have a part (25%) of your money in stocks (vs bonds).

Hou van me (Dutch)

“De beste leiders zijn degenen die zichzelf kennen.” – Hans van Gelderen

Opgedane kennis: Je bent goed genoeg. Zonder liefde zijn we nergens. Er zit veel kracht in onvoorwaardelijke liefde / positieve waardering.

Hou van me is een roman dat je stiekem ook een les wilt leren. In het boek volg je 8 weken lang de acties en gedachten van de twee hoofdrolspelers, Arie en Sanne. Arie is sinds kort gescheiden en zit met veel existentiële vragen in zijn hoofd. Kun je worden wie je eigenlijk wilt zijn? Kun je worden wie je bent? Hij is onzeker en besluit een coach in de hand te nemen. Over het verloop van de 8 weken volg je zijn coachingstraject, zijn reflecties op zijn ‘huiswerk’, zijn persoonlijke relaties en zo af en toe zijn gedachtespinsels als hij in de supermarkt staat.

Sanne is een studente die nog dagelijks in het verleden leeft. Haar moeder is overleden, ze heeft al jaren liefdesverdriet en kan maar niet haar draai vinden. Van de hoofdstad is ze verhuisd naar een provinciehoofdstad (denk Arnhem of Deventer) om daar meer tot rust te komen. In het boek ligt er minder nadruk op haar verhaal, maar natuurlijk zullen ze elkaar ooit tegenkomen.

Het onderliggende thema van Hou van me is de acceptatie van wie je bent. Het gaat nier perse om ontwikkeling of beter worden, maar meer om het accepteren van wie je zelf bent. Ook onderzoekt het boek de vraag ‘in hoeverre moet je voor anderen zorgen en wanneer kies je voor jezelf?’ Toch geeft het boek, zoals elke goede coach, niet het antwoord, maar laat het de lezer het ontdekken (nog voor de hoofdrolspelers het zelf ontdekken).

“Al sprak ik de talen van allen mensen en die van de engelen – had ik de liefde niet, ik zou niet meer zijn dan een dreunende gong of een schelle cimbaal. Al had ik de gave om te profeteren en doorgrondde ik alle geheimen, al bezat ik alle kennis en had ik het geloof dat bergen kan verplaatsen – had ik de liefde niet, ik zou niets zijn. Al verkocht ik mijn bezittingen omdat ik voedsel aan de armen wilde geven, al gaf ik mijn lichaam prijs en kon ik daar trots op zijn – had ik de liefde niet, het zou mij niet baten.” – Korintiërs 13 vers 1 – 3

Hou van me heb je binnen 5-6 uur zo uitgelezen. Dit komt niet omdat het boek zo dun is, maar omdat het verhaal zo goed is geschreven. Als debuutroman van Hans van Gelderen is het een waar meesterwerk. Als enige kritiekpuntjes zijn er twee dingen die mij opvielen. Het eerste is dat de coach in het boek op sommige punten niet zo heel goed is, mijn eerste vraag is dan meteen of ze Jung en Rogers (twee bekende psychologen) niet heeft gelezen. Hoewel het voor psychologen verplichte kost is kan ik meteen ook bedenken dat coaches natuurlijk ook een ander loopbaantraject kunnen hebben gevolgd. Het tweede punt zijn schoonheidsfoutjes in de weken en tijden, maar dat zou niemand moeten stoppen om het boek te lezen. Interesse in coaching of gewoon zin in een mooie roman, zet deze als volgende op je lijst!

Talk Like TED

“Ideas are the currency of the twenty-first century.” – Carmine Gallo

Lessons learnt: Presentations should touch the heart. Presentations should teach something new. Presentations should be memorable.

In Talk Like TED Carmine Gallo takes the reader on an exciting journey through his analysis of over 500 TED Talks. He carefully examines these inspiring, jaw-dropping and informative presentations in minute detail. He covers everything from speech pace and humour to emotional appeal. Many of the conclusions may be stating the obvious, but Gallo also touches upon many novel observations. Talk Like TED covers three keys to successful presentations: emotional, novel, memorable. The book is a great resource for new public speakers and helps seasoned presenters to further improve their game.

The key part of the TED format is that we have humans connecting to humans

A presentation is as strong as the emotions you are able to convey. Without passion, a story behind the facts and a conversation with your audience, people will not remember you for long. Speaking about your passion can transform anyone into a great presenter. This was also the case for Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts. As an introvert herself, she took on the TED stage and used her passion to overcome her fears and give a stellar presentation (watch it here).

A story can have a much bigger impact than cold hard data. This has two reasons. First, it taps into our pathos (versus logos or ethos), the appeal to our emotions. Second, it activates our mirror neurons which allow us to feel the same emotions the presenter feels. A suitable story can be a personal story, a lesson you’ve learned or a business success/failure.

Presentations are not a one-way street. A conversation with your audience is essential if you want to connect with them. This conversation already starts when you are preparing your speech. Bounce of ideas on friends and family, ask for feedback and practice. During your presentation talk like you would do with friends. This means you should speak at about 190 words per minute, use gestures and build in strategic pauses. To create a sticky presentation, speak about your passion, use stories and have a conversation.
Novelty recognition is a hard-wired survival tool all humans share

Being novel (strikingly new, unusual, or different) can be achieved via three methods. These are 1) presenting something new, 2) packaging something in a new way, or 3) finding a new approach to an old problem. Gallo states that “learning something new activates the same reward areas of the brain as do drugs and gambling”. In a world where there is way more information than we can process, being novel is the only way to stand out and be remembered.

One way to do this is to create jaw-dropping moments (it’s even a subcategory on TED.com). A prototypical presenter who mastered the novel (and emotionally charged) presentation format is the late Steve Jobs. When first presenting the iPod he didn’t speak about boring specs or meaningless numbers, he just stated that it’s smaller than a pack of cards and can hold more than 1000 songs (a big number back then, watch it here). Another great example is how Bill Gates released mosquitoes into the TED audience when speaking about malaria and his fight to stop it.

Lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Incorporate humour into your presentations and give your audience something to smile about. Please do note that this doesn’t mean you should tell jokes (this is best left to stand-up comedians), but use humorous observations. Use a story to tell about something stupid you did when you were young or use a tactical quote to lighten up the mood. Being novel doesn’t mean that you have to reinvent the wheel, you only have to give it your own twist.

What makes things memorable is that they are meaningful, significant, colourful

TEDsters have a maximum of 18 minutes to give their presentation. This constraint helps the presenters to cut through the fodder and only provide the essential information. It also helps the listeners to most effectively process the information (our attention span doesn’t reach much further than 18 minutes). On a side note, Gallo advises people who speak for longer periods to have a mini-break every 10 minutes (i.e. with an anecdote or short video).

A presentation also benefits from the rule of three. Our brains are very good at remembering things in sessions of three (because it’s the smallest pattern we can recognize, read more here). Use it to divide your presentation into three topics, your paragraphs into three paragraphs or wherever appropriate. A story should have one topic but feel free to support it with three key messages.

Speaking (and listening) usually only involves the employment of one sense (auditory/sound). To make presentations stick also engage the other senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell), create a multisensory experience. Use visuals instead of slides with words whenever possible (Gallo advises to use less than 40 words in your first 10 slides). Let people participate, show data in a way people have never seen before or let people touch your feelings. Be concise, use the rule of three and be creative to create a memorable presentation.

“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.” – Albert Einstein

Through the 9 chapters of the 3 key messages, Gallo explains how to give a great presentation. He uses his analysis of TED Talks to give you vivid examples from the best speakers in the world. Some of the tips and tricks from the book may be a bit obvious. Gallo also holds on too dearly to his rule of three, somethings there are just only two supporting arguments. In the end, the book is an easy read and you are compelled (and dearly recommended) to watch the TED Talks he mentions. Talk Like TED is a great resource for the beginning lecturer and an informative read for the seasoned orator. 

Andrew Carnegie

“A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.” – Andrew Carnegie

Lessons learnt: Wealth is there to be distributed, not hoarded. Being focused pays. Being kind pays.

Whilst reflecting on his life, Andrew Carnegie (in his autobiography) inspires his readers with an abundance of life-lessons. He describes how his family moved to the United States. He plainly describes how he took on responsibility early on in life. He isn’t boastful of the steel corporations he helps build. And in the end, he shows gratitude and ends up giving away almost his whole fortune. In his autobiography, Andrew Carnegie never gets too personal, but we can still learn a lot from his life.

Youth: Always learning, always working

As a kid, Carnegie already understood two big life lessons (lessons that many people never seem to grasp). The first was that you should work hard to start earning. As a deliverer of messages, he made it his job to learn everybody’s name. When moving up the (corporate) ladder he learned on the job, wasn’t afraid to ask for advice and grew to become one of the richest men in history. The second lesson is that he knew to learn when he was not working, reading books in the evening and keeping in good company. In his own words “There was scarcely a minute in which I couldn’t learn something or find out how much there was to learn and how little I knew.

When speaking about his upbringing I believe we get the best insight into the person who Carnegie was. Always a sunny disposition to life, he describes how he has benefited from having poor parents. His parents fulfilled all the roles a kid looks up to (nurse, cook, teacher, saint, exemplary, guide, friend). He shows great gratitude for their support and starts contributing to the family at a very young age. In later chapters, they are rarely mentioned, but it’s hard to imagine that they weren’t taken good care of.

Business: Keep your focus and listen to people

When Carnegie proved himself very resourceful and capable in his first few jobs he soon rose to high positions. First, he moved up the ladder in the railroad business and then switched to become a business owner in production (most famously steel). For me, he portraits that even in those early days an honest and kind person can always win from the cheating and deceiving kinds. When he speaks of his workers he is apt to name names and attribute positive traits to them. Even when in conflict with others he knows that first listening is more important than being heard.

One thing Carnegie is quoted for a lot is the following “Put all your eggs in one basket, and then watch that basket! In the following sentences, he argues that this doesn’t mean you can’t pursue multiple goals, nor to miss opportunities because you weren’t looking beyond your own reach. He states that you should be fully committed and have single-minded focus on your core business to make it a success. Looking at what he did you can see that this is true, he became big by focussing on steel. In his free time however, he was very busy distributing his wealth, shortly engaged in politics and more generally used his power for the good.

Charity: Give it all away

His autobiography almost never mentions how much Carnegie has given away. In his lifetime Carnegie gave away more than 350 million dollars (giving away the remaining 30 million in his will). He used this money to build over 2,000 libraries, fund universities and promote world peace. One thing that is genius in the way he distributed his money is that he made sure the institutions he erected would stand for centuries to come. Municipalities were asked to maintain the libraries and each fund had very qualified boards.

In the essay, The Gospel of Wealth, Carnegie writes more about his giving philosophy. He states that it’s a disgrace for rich people to die rich. He argues that the capitalist system can work because smart rich people can best distribute that wealth back to the people. He uses the example of a library as something that can better society, but if that money would be evenly distributed would be lost to trifling matters (i.e. booze or other excesses). Carnegie states “In bestowing charity, the main consideration should be to help those who will help themselves.”

“People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” – Andrew Carnegie

The Autobiography of Andrew Carnegie is one of the best biographies that I have read to date. It reflects on a great career, has a human touch and is packed with timeless lessons. It may forget to go into depth about his personal feelings or fail to expose flaws in his character. These miscomings are however forgiven when you consider the amazing legacy Carnegie has left behind. Please take your time to read this book when convenient and in the meantime indulge in the lessons shared below.

Lessons: Timeless wisdoms (in alphabetical order)

  • (challenges) “Never go in where you couldn’t wade.
  • (conflicts) “The main root of trouble is ignorance, not hostility.
  • (friendship) “If we truly care for others we need not be anxious about their feelings for us. Like draws to like.
  • (hate) “We only hate those we do not know.
  • (heroes) “True heroes think not of reward.
  • (holiday) “It is when the merest trifles become the most serious events of life.
  • (honor) “Mr President, no man can dishonor me except myself. Honor wounds must be self-inflicted.
  • (humor) “Men of action should learn to laugh at and enjoy the small things, or they themselves may become small.”
  • (judges) “Only experience teaches the supreme force of gentleness.
  • (kindness) “Slight attentions or a kind word to the humble often bring back reward as great as it is unlooked for.
  • (negotiations) “When one party to a bargain becomes excited, the other should keep cool and patient.
  • (optimism) “A wise man is the confirmed optimist.”
  • (stocks) “Speculation is a parasite feeding upon values, creating none.
  • (teachers) “Of all professions, that of teaching is probably the most unfairly, yes, most meanly paid, though it should rank with the highest.
  • (thinking for others) “To perform the duties of this world well, troubling not about another, is the prime wisdom.” – Confucius
  • (wanting) “Our air castles are often within our grasp late in life, but then they charm not.